Feb 282014

This weeks biggest headlines:

A Haddington woman won the first series of Dancing on Head Lice last night

Kellogs owner Tony Tiger was arrested this morning after a woman called Kay was found in a box of his companies cereal. Police Scotland refused to comment but said this was a special case.

Tablet computers are under too much pressure to be thin, says plus sized laptop

Rumours that snow is Gods dandruff have been rubbished by STV weatherman Sean Batty. “God uses head and shoulders” confirmed Batty

First Minister Alex Salmond held a press conference at Holyrood this morning to announce his new incentive. Every person that votes yes in September will be treated to a free sausage roll from Greggs. Only an hour later Prime Minister David Cameron announced that he will buy all no voters a sausage roll AND a yum yum

Midgies Leaf, the East Lothian version of Dragons Den got off to a great start last night. The highlight of the show was Elphingstone man Simon Kyle who secured an investment of thirty two pound for his human litter tray

Pope Franics has been named Pope of the month by Pope Mania magazine

and finally

Tranent zoo was officially opened today by the lassie from the bakers. There was over 8 people waiting for the ribbon to be cut. The zoo has a wide range of animals including a cocker spaniel and a semi skimmed cow


Tune into Funny People every Thursday 1-3 to hear the weeks biggest headlines